Geithner says deficits won’t hurt U.S. credit rating, Romulus Augustus says Rome will never fall

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner is reassuring Americans that the huge deficits and spiralling nationa debt “will never” damage the country’s sterling credit rating because investors will continue to view the U.S. as a good investment.

And in other news, Roman Emperor Romulus Augustus reassured his citizens that they should not worry about those hordes of German barbarians gathering outside the city.

Rome is too big to fall, so they will never invade Rome,” the Emperor said. “Besides, if they were to sack Rome, where would they go for our fine entertainments, including the orgies, drama productions with real executions, and, let’ s not forget, our incomparable gladiatorial contests in the Coliseum.”

German barbarian leader Odoacer was asked for comment, but would only say through a spokesman that he would soon confer in person with the Emperor about his future status.