Haven’t ever seen these news headlines?  You won’t ever, Guaranteed!

Government program ends as its intended goal has been achieved

Moveon.org decide to actually move on

Gay and Lesbian leaders declare abstinence best protection from AIDS

Labor Unions admit to artificially inflating national cost of living

Peace activists enraged over terrorist attacks

United Nations: capitalism best cure for hunger and poverty

Amnesty International supports US effort to end tyranny and corruption in Africa

Ass whooping discourages teen from ‘doing it again’

Another cold, snowy winter threatens survival of struggling Global-Warming-Industrial complex

Environmental groups switch focus from communism to environment

Technological progress: nature’s only chance

Democrats: Social Security is a pyramid scheme

Union leaders agree to wages determined by free market

Michael Moore gets a real job

France thanks US for saving ass… twice

Ariana Huffington closes failed blog, enters convent

Hollywood movie paints a favorable image of Senator Joe McCarthy

Mainstream Media apologizes to Americans for decades of bias

Chuck Schumer speechless

Shamelessly lifted from  The People’s Cube.